Looking for a quick, cheap read? For the entire month of May 2009, the whole content of Game Widow will be free on gamewidow.org. Think of it as a one-author stimulus package for families with video game relationship stress + economy stress. Have you been curious, but not sure if Game Widow has anything in it you don’t already know – or anything helpful to offer? Have a free read to check it out. Is your gamer turning to video games more than usual to escape, to change moods, to kill time while waiting for employers to call (with good or bad news)? Change your own mood by turning to a free book. Have you been concerned that this is just an angry wife rant book? Now you can sneak a look what your spouse’s friends are reading – without being seen – for free.

One month only, so check it out now. Time does fly!

(Wendy Kays is the author of Game Widow...also inexpensively available in a handheld paper version with spiffy binding at your favorite online and offline booksellers.)

At the end of the show “Virtual Chaos,” Dr. Phil tosses out a comment about game abuse requiring “highly specialized treatment.” Speaking for those of us who’ve spent a lot of time trying to sort out what scant professional (and unprofessional) help is offered out there, I have to say…what?

From the game widow perspective, there’s no real treatment plan out there. Every psychologist, counselor, doctor and lay citizen I’ve found suggesting “treatment” options has a different approach. Some go with the twelve-step model, some go with the couples counseling model, and I’ve even read about treatment clinics in foreign countries where they’re sticking some kind of IV in the arms of patients…with no mention of WHAT is in the IV. Scary! So I don’t know if Dr. Phil has some highly specialized plan of his own he plans to roll out, but I’ve not seen any press releases from the American Medical or Psychological Associations even recognizing game abuse or “addiction” as an official diagnosis in their DSMs. So I doubt there’s an agreed-upon, highly researched and officially approved plan for dealing with game abuse, let alone a highly specialized treatment. If there is, it must be classified, because there’s no mention of it on the web or in any professional journal I’ve skimmed lately.

I think the most frustrating thing about publicly talking about game culture issues on a household level is getting emails from people asking where they can find a professional to help them. They’ve tried yelling and begging, and they’ve given up hope that anything they do will make a difference. They need help, but where should they go?

First, no person, gamer or not, will respond positively to being dragged to a counselor to be “fixed.” Unless a person is willing to change, and sees a good reason for doing so, they just won’t. Second, most counselors impress gamers very quickly as being out of touch with what’s important to them. They don’t know the games, they don’t know the culture, and they don’t seem to grasp that they come off as condescending and pompous when they pretend to be familiar with game culture, but know only stereotypes. Third, most of the counselors trying to specialize and provide useful help in this area live too far away to even consider a visit to see if they might be the right person to help, let alone visit regularly enough to receive counseling.

So what can I tell the people emailing me in the midst of their despair? First, don’t try to talk to your gamer about how you feel when you’re upset and the game is on. Wait until you’re both happy and relaxed, or schedule a time when he’s not fresh off the game or anticipating a new game. Second, talk about the issues, not each other. If you take a side, it’s human nature for the other conversant to take the other side. Gamers are just as familiar with the risks of gaming as they are the benefits. Talk about both. If you talk about how they affect your relationship, ask if he wants to do figure it out between you two alone, or if there’s someone you both trust to help mediate and translate, or if he’s willing to work with you to find a counselor you both feel comfortable talking to. You can change your minds later if the option you choose doesn’t work out, and go for a different approach. Third, if you do go looking for a mediator or counselor, be patient. You’re not going to find the right person to click with you both the first time you meet with someone…unless you’re incredibly lucky. And when you start meeting with this professional, don’t expect change all at once, or for the conversation to be all about the gamer. Be prepared to make some changes yourself. After all, the goal here isn’t to be “right” or to “win,” but to work out a way to keep this relationship and make it work for both of you.

Of course, there’s always the chance your gamer will tell you to hit the road if you don’t like how things are. In that case, “highly specialized treatment,” as Dr. Phil puts it, means letting go of what he wants, and focusing on what you need. You only have three choices. Live with it, renegotiate, or leave. Only you can decide which of those options will work for you, or if you need to try them all in your own order. The key here is never to threaten to leave, unless you are immediately prepared, mentally and physically, to do so. Empty threats only weaken your credibility, and thus, your ability to bargain effectively. Sometimes, you just have to let go of the hope that he’ll wake up and want to make you happy, and go find someone who won’t treat you like a rebellious servant. Someone actually interested enough in an offline relationship to balance gaming and real life, and handle the responsibility and emotions that come with living with another person as an intimate partner. It’s harsh, and painful, to face this decision when your gamer doesn’t seem to care how you feel, or even if you live or die. But part of being a game widow is being tough enough to see your personal reality and deal with it, especially when he won’t.

Tolly Moseley, my publicist, had me all prepared for an underwhelming response to the publication of my book in the first week it was out. A wise, experienced woman.

So Game Widow published on September 1st, 2008, and the producers at Dr. Phil called on the 3rd to ask if I were interested in coming on the show. Several interviews later, and I've passed muster. It looks as though I'll actually be taping the show on 9/16, and making excuses about the camera adding twenty pounds in the first part of October. (Apparently the show airs about 2-3 weeks after it tapes, so they can edit out all the times I say "ya know.")

Exciting, yes. Nauseating, yes. A boring first couple of weeks, hardly! Also, I've now interviewed by email and phone with reporters from the Utah Statesman, Daily Milenio (huge newspaper in Mexico), and Austin American-Statesman, who were all very gracious and interested.

Thanks to everyone who stepped up to help this week so I could do a rapid change from work-at-home mom to work-everywhere-mom. And thanks to all of you who have already bought Game Widow, and spread the news to friends that it isn't just the personal story of a game widow, or some bitter tome of revenge.

Now if only Second Skin would come to my local theater on the night a babysitter is available, my happiness would be complete!

(Wendy Kays is the author of Game Widow, now available in all awesome online and offline bookstores. You can get more information at GameWidow.org.)